Social Butterflies

Microsoft Excel Class

The Prolix Pig

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class.  She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home.

She read, “…and so the pig went up to the man with the wheel barrow full of straw and said, ‘Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'”

The teacher paused then asked the class, “And what do you think that man said?”

One little boy raised his hand and said, “I think he said ‘Holy shit! A talking pig!'”

The Quantitative Easing

Macroeconomics class, you rule.  Just for this.

Paladin

Period

The kindergarten class had a homework assignment to find out about something exciting and relate it to the class the next day.

When the time came for the little kids to give their reports, the teacher was calling on them one at a time.  She was reluctant to call upon little Johnnie, knowing that he sometimes could be a bit crude.  But eventually his turn came.  Little Johnnie walked up to the front of the class, and with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down.

Well the teacher couldn’t figure out what Johnnie had in mind for his report, so she asked him just what that was.

“It’s a period,” reported Johnnie.

“Well I can see that,” she said, “But what is so exciting about a period?”

“Damned if I know,” said Johnnie, “But this morning my sister said she missed one. Then Daddy had a heart attack, Mommy fainted and the man next door shot himself.”

Math Class

Dirty Little Matt is sitting in the back of math class, obviously not paying any attention, when the teacher calls his name.

“Yeah teach?” he replies.

“If there are three ducks on a fence and you shoot one of them with a shotgun, how many are left?” asks the teacher.

Matt answers, “Well, teach, if I shoot one of them with a shotgun, the loud noise is gonna make them all fly off.”

“No, Matt, there will be two left if you shoot one with a shotgun, but I like the way you’re thinking,” the teacher responds.

“Well, teach, I’ve got a question for you… There are 3 women that come out of an ice-cream parlour, one is biting her ice-cream cone, one is licking it, and one is sucking on it. Which one is married?”

The teacher, a little taken back by the question answers, “Well, uh, gee Matt, I guess the one that’s sucking on the ice cream.”

Matt replies, “No teach, the one that has the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you’re thinking!”

The Art of the Implied Facepalm

Tommy Lee Jones is a 9th degree black belt; I’m in the self-defence course at the local Y.